![]() If you can’t imagine yourself holding these boundaries, then don’t proceed. This helps both parties set the psychological boundaries you’ll need if you’re to be a boss rather than a buddy. Rehearsing these scenarios helps the two of you think through some of the challenges you might face in your new relationship. You give a plum assignment they wanted to someone else.You press them to achieve an uncomfortable goal or deadline.You give them a negative performance review.For example, ask your friend how they will feel when: Before you explore the candidate’s qualifications, give yourselves a chance to mutually consider how you’ll deal with some difficult situations. Let’s face it, you occasionally show up in some of those ways as well. Someone who is congenial as a friend can show up as lazy, petty, resentful, dishonest, or even political as a colleague. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that being a good friend is a good predictor of being a good employee. I’d like to explore the possibility with you, but I want to be clear I think it might not be a good idea.” And yet I think there are more reasons it won’t work than reasons it will. Say something like, “I can see some advantages to working together. Don’t conspire in their choice to set their expectations high. If the other person’s hopes begin to gallop at the prospect of being hired, you’ve lost already. If you decide to entertain the possibility, set proper emotional expectations by explaining that no is the likeliest result. Say, “I don’t think I’m strong enough to do what it takes to be both your boss and your friend.” You may have to deal with some resentment, but if they do resent you, then they’d be the kind of person who would despise you when things cratered. If your friend has already opened the question, shut it down honestly. If you can’t turn your friend down for the job, you’ll never be able to manage them once they’re on your team. Otherwise, you will rationalize or cower yourself into a yes that you’ll probably regret. If you wouldn’t say no - because of your own insecurity or your doubts about the emotional maturity of your friend - if no was the right answer, don’t even consider becoming this person’s boss. ![]() Ask yourself, “If I open the question about hiring this person, can I imagine myself saying, ‘I’m not giving you the job’?” If you can’t, you’re doomed at the outset. Here’s how to do it.ĭon’t start a conversation about hiring if saying no isn’t an option. The key is having the right combination of patience and candor before and during the hiring process. I’ve observed and studied friend-boss relationships - and even been on both sides of them - and now know what it takes for them to be successful. I’ve since grown up quite a bit and, fortunately, learned that I was wrong. I reasoned that few friendships could endure such a dramatic shift in relative power and that you can be a friend or you can be a boss, but you can’t be both. ![]() After nearly a year of suffering (entirely self-induced), I finally fired him. When I complained about broken rules, he would cajole me about being naïve. When I expressed concerns, he would reassure me in a fatherly voice that everything was fine. It got really tough when he began coming in late and leaving early, falsifying expense reports, and cutting deals with customers that he didn’t tell us about until after the check was cashed. I struggled to think of myself as his boss. This man had known me since I was in diapers. By the time I was 17 years old, I was a partner in a fast-growing company, and when I decided to hire a close friend of my father’s, I was thrilled when he agreed to join.īut it was awkward from the beginning.
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